In a recent rant on “The View,” Kelly Osbourne figuratively showed her a*s on national T.V. by making a truly dumb statement that was intended to be a diss on Donald Trump. Commenting about Trump’s desire to send all undocumented Latinos back to Mexico, Osbourne ‘asked’ Trump who would clean the nation’s toilets if his wish came true and all undocumented Latinos were deported. Yep, she went there in one of those moments that just about every celeb has these days, and immediately realized she had made a huge faux pas. As stupid and tone-deaf as her statement is, it does raise an interesting question: how do we turn Osbourne into a true Latina and prevent her from making these dumb comments? Here are five way to accomplish this goal.
First off, Osbourne is British, even though she’s lived in the U.S. for years, so you know her skin is a definite whiter shade of pale. So, you have to start with her pale complexion and darken the crap out of it. There’s no way to transform this Brit into a true mamacita without turning her a nice even brown. And it has to be just the right shade, so it’s best to use J-Lo as the model and go for a J-Lo skin tone, which is a perfect blend of brown beauty and sheen. However, you can’t make her tan look too golden or yellow, because that’s a California Valley Girl look that has nothing to do with becoming a real Latina, and it would spoil the whole thing. A good Latina-flavored spray tan would do the job, or Osbourne can find a Latina-only tanning booth that browns white skin with options such as ‘Mexican tan,’ ‘Central American tan’ and ‘South American tan,’ which includes a Brazilian bikini wax, on the house.